Contract

The best way to avoid frustration on a dating website is by writing down a little contract. This may seem a bit awkward for someone who just looks for some flirting. But here is the problem because the other person may have different intentions.

When we normally start a communication, we have such a contract negotiated, unconsciously. For instance, the expected content of a conversation heavily varies with the environment. We expect different types and styles of conversations on a children playground, in a museum or at a business meeting. Also outfit and gestures play a role. We use all this information subconsciously to adjust our expectations. In other words all this information along with our social customs define what we can expect from a communication and which topics are better avoided.

However, we lack all this so important information when we start communicating on a dating website. Still, we fill the gaps with assumptions which are the product of wishful thinking and more than often outright wrong. The results is frustration on both sides.

The solution is to write down a little contract. Such a written contract limits expectations and avoids frustrations. Also, it allows to evaluate the partner and to build mutual trust.

Such a little contract has not to be too complex. On the contrary, at the beginning complex contracts would be rather deterring. A single sentence could be enough, such as “Ask me a question about money.”  This is in fact a contract offer that becomes effective as soon as it is answered.

Try it.

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